if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
