Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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