literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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