Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
