so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
