I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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