I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
