were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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