he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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