Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there is glitter all over my balls
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
