Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
