I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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