We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
