I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
