I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
