yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
