I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize