Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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