I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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