So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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