I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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