I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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