Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
