Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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