I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
