U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
