your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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