mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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