how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
