"it" just moved
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
