There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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