It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
