Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
