If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize