Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
