Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My liver just had a heart attack.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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