I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
