Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
