we have pet lesbian snakes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
