also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
