after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
