I accidentally burped into my bong.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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