my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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