He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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