my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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