never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
