your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
