Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
