You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
