I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
