I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
