Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
