burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
