Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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