Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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