i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
