im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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