Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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