I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
