dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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