Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
