Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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