Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
