I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This house was built for laser tag.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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