I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
