1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When are your genitals available?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
