So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
