I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
