the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
