I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
