i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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