you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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