I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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