The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
