At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
